I was really scared for little Paulie yesterday.  Yesterday was the first obstetrics appointment I’d had since I’d gotten my routine 20-week ultrasound.  At the ultrasound appointment, the doctor who’d looked at my ultrasounds said that I have a heart-shaped uterus, and that there was a chance that my baby could come early.  He didn’t sound too concerned as he said this, from his tone of voice I picked up that this was something that my doctors should be aware of, but not something that I should worry about.  So I didn’t.  The doctor said that, in some women who have a uterus of this shape, there’s not enough room for the baby to grow, but it looked like Paulie had enough room to grow.  So I wasn’t worried. 

When I saw my obstetrician yesterday, I mentioned the ultrasound results to her.  She said that there’s a chance that Paulie could come early, as in really early.  But that’s certainly not definite.  But it’s certainly enough to make me feel afraid for him!  She said that, if I start having contrations, I should go right to the hospital.  If needed, they can give me medication and put me on bed rest to keep Paulie in there longer.  But even if I were having contractions, it wouldn’t neccessarily mean that I was going into labor– but they’d want to check my cervix at the hospital ASAP.  My obstetrician said that the other risk with having a heart-shaped uterus is that Paulie could be breech.  In that case, they’d need to deliver him via c-section.  Honestly, I’m not at all worried about having a c-section.  My  mom delivered both my brother and me via c-section.  Yes, I know that it’s surgery, but it’s done so commonly, and my main concern is that Paulie be alright.  So no matter how they get him out, that’s fine with me.  I just hope he stays in there for a full 40 weeks!

I have a habit of putting a lot of energy into worrying about things that don’t end up happening.  I reminded myself of this last night, when I was so freaked out.  Even if I do start having contractions too early, and even if medication and best rest don’t work for some reason, if Paulie were to come early, well, we live very close to one of the top hospitals in the country.  Our obstetrics department is rated #13 in the country!  So if I needed a NICU to work miracles, well, this hopsital is where I’d want Paulie to be.  And I was planning on delivering there anyway.  But it’s just scary to think about little Paulie being born too early, and having to be hooked up to all of those tubes and wired.  But no matter what happens, I will do everything I can for my little Paulie.  I’ll give him kangaroo care, and breastmilk, and massages, and talk and sing to him.  He will have everything possible to help him out.  And honestly, I have a good feeling about Paulie.  He’s a strong little sucker, I can just tell.  So when I can get past the buzzing cloud of anxiety, and listen to my heart and gut, I get the strong message that Paulie is going to be okay.  Absolutely okay.  In fact, better than okay.  He’s going to be good.  He’s my strong little boy.

So may it be.